The Cake is a lie!

Today, December 1, is my Birthday.  31 years ago today I entered the world.  What a life-altering event.  Obviously such an event needs to be celebrated.

When my wife asked me this year what I wanted for my birthday I responded with two things, one of which was a Portal cake.

For those who read my blog who aren’t nerds, Portal is a video game which prominently features a cake.  This cake is chocolate with a single candle on top and the candle is surrounded by 8 cherries on top of whip creme.

For reference, this is what the cake looks like in the game:

The cake is a lie. From portal video game (copyright valve).

My beautiful wife went on the internet and found many various Portal cake recipes.  After we read a couple of them we decided on:

We headed off to our local Safeway and purchased the ingredients, less Kirsch  (cherry liqueur) since we couldn’t find it.  We headed off to another local grocery store in a search for Kirsch.   Eventually we gave up on the cherry liqueur since our local alcohol store went out of business.

Back at home we started making the cake.  Pretty easy.  Just put the ingredients in the bowl and mix them till it looks like………. aaaaaa….   cake mixed up and not cooked?

Next put that bad boy into some pans and pop it in the oven for a bit.  Later out comes:

Perfect.  Now take that cooked cake out (we have two of these since the batter makes two 8 inch cakes) and cut it in half.  This gives you four cake slabs that look like:

Now make some of that frosting.  That’s right, whip up that heavy whipping creme and sugar and spread it around the cake slab.

That’s the stuff.  Now all you have to do is dump some cherries on it, put another slab of cake on it, put some more cherries on it along with more frosting.  Rinse-wash-repeat a bit and you will get something like:

Now pop the last top piece of cake on and you will arrive at:

Bingo.  Its looking absolutely perfect.  Now just use the rest of the frosting to fill in the cracks like it was putty on an old barn.  After a bit of work you will have:

Upon arriving at this step I was slightly disappointed that the cake wasn’t blacker.  I thought it would be more dark.  Fear not my nerdy cake makers; there is a solution.  MORE CHOCOLATE!  This is where things get dangerous.  Grab yourself a chocolate bar and a potato peeler and make yourself some chocolate slices!

These chocolate slices are much darker and accent the cake nicely.  They also make the cake darker.  Getting them onto the side of the cake can be a bit tricky.  Fortunately my snazzy wife found a great solution.  Blow them onto the cake:

This may not be acceptable in certain localities due to the health concerns, but fortunately the world of Barry is currently lacking a health inspector.

After repeated application of chocolate pieces onto the cake, one arrives at:

As you can plainly see the cake is taking form.  All one needs to do now is put on some whip cream “dollops”:

Now plop some cherries down on those dollops and add a candle:



So how did we (alright mostly my wife) do?  Judge for yourself:

Nailed it!

Thanks to my awesome wife for the fun we had and for making me a snazzy cake.  Time to start thinking up how to celebrate my 32nd anniversary of my escape from the womb….